Try This! Examine Your Calendar... And Identity
My wife likes to drop conversational grenades as we casually pass each other in the kitchen.
Here is one from today:
“Jon, you work so much because it’s the most socially acceptable way to avoid being with yourself. If you could contend with yourself, dare I say even learn to enjoy yourself, you wouldn’t need to constantly distract yourself by being so busy.”
I’m starting a series on LinkedIn called “Dang Jenny,” because …dang.
What an invitation to some unexpected introspection on a random weekday morning.
Here’s the weird thing about workaholism:
If I drank a handle of vodka every day, people would eventually notice.
If I underate or overate, it would be obvious I had an issue.
If I compulsively shopped and flooded my front porch with Amazon packages, even neighbors would catch on that I had a problem.
But workaholism is tricky because it produces only two outcomes: stress and success.
The world sees the second result. You do become successful. I have been able to accomplish a tremendous amount with workaholism. Let’s not pretend otherwise. It gets the job done.
Your family sees the first result. They see the stress. They get worn out from the pace. They catch you on vacation returning emails in the bathroom while you wait for the shower you turned on 19 minutes ago to warm up. They watch you get mad when a project doesn’t succeed because your identity is so wrapped up in it.
By the way, of course it is!
Here’s what I know about identity:
Identity follows activity.
It’s not any more mysterious than that.
The things you do the most become your identity. It’s not what you say that is most important to you. It’s not your mission, values, or goals. It’s your calendar. Plain and simple.
I would love to tell you my identity is in my faith, but that would be absurd. I spend maybe 3 hours a week deep in the practice of my faith. (Church, prayer, Bible, community, etc.) I work 40-50 hours a week. Which one do you think my identity leans toward?
I don’t have a neat wrap-up for this one, other than Dang Jenny!
Point taken, note received, and now I wrestle.
If I learned to enjoy being with myself, would I work less? Would you doomscroll less? Would you binge Netflix less? It’s a good question.
I’m 50, so it seems like a great time to find out.
Jon
My new book releases on November 3!
In The 3-Minute Mindset, you'll find 90 days of better soundtracks to change your thoughts and ultimately your life. With a follow-up question and an action tied to each soundtrack, it takes just three minutes to read each entry. It's the perfect way to beat your broken soundtracks and make better ones stick around!
